Dear Mona, Dear Dima

Dear Mona, Dear Dima

            I respect both Mona and Dima very much, and they are very influential figures in the Arab World and beyond. I cannot say that I disagree with anything that Mona wrote in her article, but I do understand Dima’s point of view in her rebuttal. While it is true that men, like me, were brought up to love the women in our lives, such as our mothers, sisters, grandmothers, and wives; but for some reason the nature of this love has always been strange to me. Growing up in Saudi Arabia, I cannot say that I share the views of most of my classmates, neighbors, or even cousins. In fact, by the time I left Saudi Arabia I felt that I had just left the most backward society behind me. When I asked in school my Fiqh teacher what the punishment of rape is, he told me “wherever there is smoke, there is fire;” basically saying that it is adultery by both parties. Also, religious scholars that I was brought up listening to constantly nagged about how women were the “fitna” and how their voice is half of a man’s because they are “too emotional.” Ideas that were irradicated by neo-salafis like Al-Albani and Ibn Bazz who completely screwed the course that the rational 19th century salafism was on under Al-Afghani and Mohammed 'Abdou.

Until now I keep up with what various clergymen, ‘Ulama and muftis say; and even though I am not a woman, I am outraged by nearly anything that is said about women by these highly influential people.  When I read about 13 year old girls marrying 65 year old men or men being allowed to rape their wives corpses, my blood boils like crazy! I can only imagine that these stories are even more offensive to women. I do not intend to speak on behalf of women, and I give my most sincere apologies if it seems like that is what I am doing, but I honestly do not see any other word better than “hate” to describe many men’s attitudes towards women. I cannot say all, and I never thought that Mona was describing all men in her article; but many of the most influential ones do hate women. Religious institutions and traditionalists yearning for “preservation of culture” do nothing but protect misogyny and give it a holy and cultural importance while saying “Islam glorifies women” and “we respect our women” in the same breath! I am not saying that Islam is misogynist, but many of those who are considered to be representatives of Islam are and end up damaging the image of the religion.

What is to be done? I think women and men who stand for true gender equality should extensively view their community and see who the culprits are and how are they spreading their hatred. These are the people we should be outraged at; these are the people we should direct our anger at. My friends Mona and Dima, both of you are revolutionaries, and obviously people know that you both fight for freedom and equality; and I am positive that there are hundreds of thousands, perhaps millions of people who are willing to stand with both of you in the fight for freedom and equality. A Religious, cultural, and sexual revolution is important; but without unity it cannot happen.